its beyond words.

words.

i used to be good with them, yet its not good to be only good with them and not doing things for real. Now, im bad with them, and i always piss you off.
But, thats not the main point. I can feel your anxiety, i can feel your stress, your fear, your helplessness. so much so,that its beyond words.beyond anything i can say to comfort you, that i jus become speechless. that i desperately wanna be there to wipe away your tears, yet i have no ability to. Maybe i do, maybe im jus not pushing my freedom to the limit. Sometimes i really want to say im visiting a friend in ICU and i have to get out of house right away.

Not because i want this to happen, but i sometimes think, what if i did not hold you back?What if we really broke up long ago? Would you be better off with another person who can be there for you every single time? It hurts for me to tink so, but to think you might be smiling more, crying less, mayb i should pretend to be the angel. im always the devil, torturing you.