tinging how to fly

2009-09-21T04:24:00.000-07:00

Everytime we argue,it hurts like mad.yet actually im always the one making you mad..but doesn't mean you're not my priority, who i put first.
I gave up $5000 and a contract. I dun give a damn what i can get from it as long as you dun like it. I dun like to hurt you.i hate seeing you look that way and the way you speak coldly to me...

but i guess my hurts are always not as bad as yours..what for the competition.all i wan is for you to be happy..

2009-08-26T01:29:00.000-07:00

I guess i should blog.hahaha

we both agree time really flew past these few months..and now wads on our minds?1..how are we gonna meet on nights out since im at paya lebar from now on..2..wad should we decide on and wad to work for in our uni years..and 3..(this is for me only) what to get for you this birthday?LOL.

ever since i told my ma the truth about us..it hasnt been really tough as i imagine it would be..now that its been done..i never have to hide anymore and you feel more comfortable ba dear? think now all my relatives know about this too..dunno if thats a good or bad..i always wondered how my cousins will be towards you..the way i enjoy your cousins company?i hope so too..simple things like taking a shopping trip with your aunt's family is already quite enjoyable.why?cus you are happiest when you are with them most of the time.

service terms over!too bad you were having bit fever on social night dear..if not should be better for you ba?another phase in army over..and i shall be going pro soon..quite worried how tough it would be..its suppose to be much tougher..but you will always cheer me on i know..hope i dun feel too shitty in there and affect your mood..you're going to work soon baby!should be quite exciting to try out there ba..some friends are going along with you..makes me feel better..

life's tougher now for you..but just like the poster you gave me..''if you want the rainbow you must first learn to put up with the rain''..and dear, ill be with you through the rain ya?muacks

2009-08-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

i give my best for you.but i know, it isin't enough for me to deserve the best of you...

seems like all that i do now are just things you have to try very hard to tolerate.

I'm jus saying how I feel, I'm not blaming you dear. Who am i to blame u..I'm the one who let you down..

2009-08-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

haven been blogging for a long while..sorry dear..either im too lazy..or im too busy..no matter how, i still did not blog and i did not let you have anything to read..let me make up and try to tell you all i can tink of k?

Looks like i haven start on anything about air wing. Ever since i got transferred into air wing that night, many army ways ok life have changed, and you know that very well dear..haha..the time we get to take naps..the longer times we have to change into different clothes..the P.A system which you tink is so cute (i tink you're the one cute, its jus PA system silly) and many many more..including the most crucial..friday night bookouts!haha..poor you have to fetch me out every time i bookout..so the least i could do is to chiong marching as fast as i can..cus every additional day away from you..we both start to get whiny and all so in need of sticking to each other..haha..thats when i cant wait to meet you and hold you tight..

you know my weekly routines dont you baby?i keep every weeks timetable so i can remember all of wad happened in air wing..rmb how i felt at the start?i thought these ppl are so weird..all they talk about is their interest about planes and the specifics..and i couldnt get any of it at all..or catch any ball..haha..sooo..it wasnt that good a place to feel comfortable in..i got myself the post of the OA..and everyday i set up lectures..haha..so days go by..rather quickly hmm?and now, we more or less know everyone and it gets quite friendly around le..and so theres also my buddy..haha..
dont you feel sian that i go for visits while you work hard baby?i know its tough work for you..but you are nearing the finishing line..so cmon dear..smile hmm?i try my best to cheer you up..but i know..i am the most boring person on earth..so i can only try to tink of wads funny in my daily life and share with ya..work is tough.but u are tougher and you can last through baby..i can pamper you with simple things like food and massage and ear digs ya?unlimited..forever demandable..hehe..

and now to OBS.i knew from the moment they called for valuables..and i know i cannot jus hand it away..so i sneaked it with me..haha..manage to sms ya a bit..know you have been struggling with work still this week..but your big presentation is now over ya dear?K.SO HERE GOES...
WED: morning we left off and slept like dead logs on the bus..so unwilling to get off and start the camp..we were so dead on the boat and my buddy was right,we had to change to wet attire and jump off to swim to shore..haha..that was a good start i thought..wakes us up.and so the first day we had to break the ice with some simple games and get to know our instructor..vivian is the female instructor out of other 2 groups..we then played key punch..punch the alphabets in the circle in ascending order..sounds easy hor dear?but we disqualified twice cus of dumb stuff..like me stepping on boundary..haha..then was first days fun event!climbing those high elements obstacles..i thought i would be ham ji but not that bad..i was more garang than others..did the one that was higher with nothing to support..haha..hurts the balls though sitting on the log..hahaha..night was nothing much already..jus some communication game and goodnight time..food was all catered..relatively not bad to feel hungry ppl like us..haha..and there is always a cute dog around..we name him as our group name (BOB:band of brothers)..he is smart not to come up cook house but sits obediently to wait for you to feed it..
THURS: Here comes the day we are quite afraid of..the instructors keep saying that this course will be be mentally and physically challenging..so we were worried..haha..morning started with row boat..8 men get into a ugly wide boat and row..u know dear..that kind 4 on each side row de..that we took very long cus we were lousy at it..went round 1 side of the island and thats for the big part of the day..then land navigation started on 3 plus..hollanded and only found 1 checkpoint before chionging straigth for campsite 2 for the night.the walk was bout 5k and we came to a beach side shore where we set our tents facing the sea to enjoy the breeze..field cooking was madness..we spam all the maggie and the can food and stuffed ourselves full bfore going to sleep..had a short ghost story session around our small camp fire in our group..tell ya if you wanna know..haha..muacks..10.30 was my patrol duty with ronald and we walked round for 30 mins before going back to that squeezy sleeping area.we really sleep straight vertically and stick side by side..wads more..millipedes fell onto me in the middle of the night..argh..haha
FRI:BOOK OUT!we knew we will have to wake early..so 4 we auto woke up and clear up..chiong in the black dark forest all the way back to camp..ubin can be quite erie..rest awhile for breakfast and we are off to kayak!this was fun baby..2 man chiong round the island..cut through the inner river and steer around swamps..then back out to see..tiring but fun..back for wash up and tada..we are done with the camp!

lucky you told me not to chao geng dear..haha..some things mus try then know its worth the effort..i cant wait to see ya tml..i know you mus be feeling dead tired repeating projcts after projects..do well for exams and have a short weeks rest hmm?its coming soon dear..muacks..u can make it..see me tml and ill make you smile like you mean it..can?cus your happiness..your smile makes my universe go round...

letter of update to commander Brigadial General Pamela Lee,
minister of love and life affairs of Ng Wei Ting

MUACKS.I LOVE YOU BABY

2009-07-12T02:41:00.000-07:00

BABY ITS WEEKEND.
i know its sunday and im going back in again..but hey, this is the best we can get already ya?im so lucky thanks to you dear..never been so lucky before...

So this was how 3 weeks gone by..as you have read from my journal bout my army days and wad i do..i shall not further bore you with the facts..hahaha..
it was so miserable in the first week of the confinement period..i all the things we have planned ahead was so scarily difficult and so shitty i dint had any idea if i could complete it..all i could think was wad if we were like wad others say, that ocs will break relationships cus of the lack of time?every little thing can easily get me confine and i wont see you again for more weeks to come..wad do i do if you feel so down and i cant be out??i hate it when you sound so troubled and frustrated and all i could do is to hear you cry...
and jus when things were getting so shitty..that night came and names were called out..right when all 5 of the 6 names were called..i knew i had no more chance of getting out of infantry already..but sir said Ng Wei Ting.i was all ready to scream out yes sir but i wasnt gonna believe so soon.now im here and i have much better time with you..tok to you on phone..book outs on fridays..and mayb even wed nights out soon..
first weekend out!got to see 1 last time of your house..this time empty. so not used to it being that spacious with no noise..haha..your house has full of my memories with you..so is the whole compound of parc oasis..wont you miss it baby?i tink i will..day out with my section mates and our old friends..i can tell how much you enjoy their company..but of course..im there too.HAHA
missed your smile missed your presence missed your hugs missed all of your you. n of course..there is no need for explanation..im clearly the luckiest person in the world..because of you.

sorry i woke late today baby.hehe. MUACKS

2009-06-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

I knew this night would come. and it came too soon too fast.

So OCS it would be. did we see this coming? i dunno..of course..it would be a once in a lifetime experience..but im not sure i would be enjoying it much..9 months..i know it would be very hard for you..waiting for me every minute without seeing me..and it goes without saying..this coming 4weeks will be almost unbearable..i know how much you love me..i know how much u cherish this relationship..and i give you the commitment too..i wont let go..i wont give up on you..

take care yourself when you are off to hongkong k?im really quite worried baby..dun wan you to go partly cus i wanna see you the 3rd weekend..but also the possibility of the H1N1..there is really alot cases..tell me if you do get any vaccination shots..you should baby..of course the trip would be good for your studies..and thats a good thing i wan for you too..but..take care of yourself..tell me you are all healthy whenever i call you from camp..

not gonna see your house anymore!so many memories there..almost every corner of the house..why do i sound more attach and unwilling bout the move than you?haha..like you say baby..mayb you have moved house too much..but we really been through alot there ya?even the first few years of didi's life we have witnessed it there..and from you wearing uniform to everyday dresses..hahaha..i miss you wearing uniform..LOL

ill tell you all the things that will happen in camp..i always do..dont i?hahaha..hope my buddy is a nice guy..now dear..i feel the same as you..i dun wan us to hide our relationship forever..or any longer..i told my parents..and we shall see how things go..i dun wan you to feel down..remember i wont give up on you..i love you jus as endlessly as you love me..you should know and can feel..i prefer seeing you smile baby..hmm?muacks..i dun mind shouldering the pain if i can take it all away from you..i do wad i can to make our future a reality..i love you dear..ill miss you like mad..ill probably go insane without you, my personal brand of heroine..

PS:TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF PLEASE BABY.you know im always lo so

2009-06-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

BACK FROM HEAVEN.

once in awhile, dear makes plans with the angels above to allow us to go up and take a walk around and enjoy a few days. of course, i know how lucky i am to have ya as my girlfriend..well..we all hate to come to the last day and hate to get back home..that feeling on the last day is always dreadful..either at bintan, redang or batam..why mus it end..hahaha

such an enjoyment hmm dear?this time we brought along so many friends..and it got even better..though not say everyone mixes around..at least my section mates are outgoing enough to make everyone join in..
-go cart
-swimming
-seafood dinner
-night late playing card games
-breakfast
-shopping
-massage (not me)
-dinner
-night late playing games and ghost stories
-breakfast
-bowling and pool
-swim
-off back home..

out of all trips..this should be the one that is most fun..though the place is nothing much amazing or wad..its jus good place to enjoy company..i dunno how to post pics..so we jus see from facebook k dear?haha..quite memorable ba..finally..some friends of mine you can enjoy company of..how can you mistake me with sidne..haiyo dear..haha..
look at you. i cant forget that look. every morning when im bout to wake up..you jus wrap yourself tight around me..and when i turn..i see your angelic face smiling at me..and i know that the day will be great..cus i have you right from the start beside me..
lets plan our next trip k?it should be one where we fly ba.hahaha..muacks..thank you so much baby..I LOVE YOU TILL BITS AND PIECES.

2009-06-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

POP.
coming in 3 days!thats so soon huh..in a flash, 2 months have already passed..of course we struggled so badly during confinement period, and so is the days i mus be stuck in camp or in the jungle.. it has been hard for you baby..all you get for the long days of waiting is jus ear digs and cuddling to sleep and shoulder massages..haha..i know you enjoy them..but you need something more..something like...batam trip!haha..its coming soon..and i cant wait..another thing i cant help tinking bout..will i be able to take my tp test..will i be able to pass in 1 go..i dun wanna be stuck as a bbdc member forever..i wan my license soon..
where would i end up for the next 1 year plus? now that we keep hearing others say..we really duno huh?haha..well..i jus wanna get these years done..so i dun really mind wherever i go..ill jus become fitter and fitter..and earn some money to splurge on you..hahaha
dun be so put down by work baby..i know its tough..but its your last year in NP tourism already..lets finish it well and get a good university placing ya?remember our plan..5k per mom/dad..haha..and for that, we have to start now dun we?
every weekend that i get to see you, i have renewed strength to go on and finish the weeks ahead..without you..army should feel like non stop confinement..muacks.

i love ya

2009-05-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

not exactly a long weekend dear? I know there is always insufficient time for us to be together..

At last, we have confirmed the batam trip. From the initial many many ppl going, we have cut down to roughly 7, maybe some of your friends and some of mine. Look forward to it ya baby? we all need a getaway once in awhile, and this mayb the only one till a year to come.

Bmt is finishing very soon..dunno if thats a good thing or not. After all these discussions, its still not down to me to decide what vocation do i go, but. i jus wish it wouldnt be too limiting to my freedom..
i know how you feel. how should a girl be feeling. what if you wait for me all these years, what if you last through this tough period for me, yet it will all be for nothing?it would be a waste of your youth, waste of your years. but please baby, what my mum says or feel, isint what i say or feel. If you feel the struggle, so do i...
we are not trying to compare who is in a tougher position..
you are not forcing me to say, and its not a selfish thing. sometimes,we jus feel the struggle of waiting and hiding..
i know that what i say will not be of use. of course. its only all emotions when i say i love you.and that i will make this forever..

2009-05-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

SORRY BABY. last week i went off and forgot to write a blog entry for you, made you wait a week.haha

how tough these weeks have been huh baby?you have to work so hard for reports while i become mr important platoon i/c. poor thing u..do nothing but study and type all day..must be struggling hard to stay happy and even have to cheer me up whenever im on the phone..im sorry i sound so down and make your mood bad too. you always can find the words to cheer me up..or mayb its jus your voice which has the power..hahaha..

how should i thank you? you make my nights in camp better, you make me have the strength to go on every new day, u chiong so hard to finish your work in the weekdays jus so weekends you will be free for me. i can only bring you to good food now and treat you. So let me treat u when i can k?hahaha..nice to have some sweet chocolate ice cream or some tasty brownie with you..jus sit there and stare into your eyes..watch you smile widely at me, cus i know in your mind, you are also enjoying every moment with me.

had a good time this weekend ma?i should plan more nice stuff for you..cus i know outings with me is always repetitive..haha..movie was good ya?first time i see you enjoy a comedy family movie with me..how good would it be if we have our baby paris between laughing with us. come. lets hope next weekend will be long too k?ill be fighting hard the weekdays with you and we can enjoy our heavenly weekends. true. These tough times make us realise how every little thing is an enjoyment, what we take for granted. Baby, now every moment with you is good enough,no matter where we are what we do.

dont you know how much i love every second you hold my hand tight with your tiny hand.

2009-05-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

4 weeks have passed ever since 13th april 2009 came.3 weeks and 3 days iv been spending missing you madly.

Of the few days i get to see you dear,each and every minute i get to see you counts. From the moment i lay my eyes on you, till the minute i step out of your door and give you a last glance, it really feels like heaven to me. absence makes the heart grow fonder, way fonder. but i don't know how we shall last through each others absence for the next 1 yr plus..

army days are fine for me dear. To me, it isin't that tough physically and i can take it. Plus ( A BIG plus), i somehow will automatically stay healthy and less pimpled and grow fatter. I hope this is the case forever, cus i really dun wanna be injured or sick that will make you worried sick. Field camp was shitty but im glad its all over. Now, at least i can talk to you and hear your voice most nights,and after all these rush of events are done, comes the time to slack more. Every book out i book out to spend with you. I'm sorry but i definitely have to spend a few hours with my family updating them how im doing, but i promise you of course, im all yours and i give you all the time i can have for book out. You know all that happens in army so i shall not repeat again to you right dear?hahaha

Let me look into your eyes, let me hold you tight.
Let me see you smile, that sweet smile that makes everything alright...

Baby you, the words you said in your blog, i can tell how much you miss me everytime im gone. Even though you don't hear or see much of what i say, you should know i miss you like mad too. You are not in the waiting list. You're the only one in the VIP list. I call you first, i spend admin time only on you. I need to hear your voice to last through every new day. Not being able to contact you makes me so worried wadever that can happen to you. So now, don't be silly, you are my love, my top concern. And don't go worrying too much about me. I can take care of myself better now, because i don't wanna worry you.

Here's something to cheer you; i'll try to blog everytime i book out, k?

Muacks,
to you my dear Pamela.

2009-04-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

another chapter of my life is coming soon, time to flip to another new page...
what would this mean to you? It would mean that you have to suffer again...because of me again...

what 2 weeks with you..you are so lovely you know that dear?haha..willing to dedicate all your time for me to gime all the chance to see you and enjoy your company..meeting your friends..meeting my friends..doing all sorts of activities jus to leme have fun before i go army and get trapped there.

What would i miss most in army? You.

How i can get to hold your small hand,
How i can hold you to sleep,
The way you hug my arm,
The way you smile at me.
Your mesmirising hair,
Your lovely voice,
Your sweet little smile,
Your alluring scent.
How you plan dates for me,
How you are contented with me,
How you understand me,
How you always stand by me.

I promise I'll dedicate every available minute i have in army or out of army to meet you and spend time with you.
I love you dear.

2009-03-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

its beyond words.

words.

i used to be good with them, yet its not good to be only good with them and not doing things for real. Now, im bad with them, and i always piss you off.
But, thats not the main point. I can feel your anxiety, i can feel your stress, your fear, your helplessness. so much so,that its beyond words.beyond anything i can say to comfort you, that i jus become speechless. that i desperately wanna be there to wipe away your tears, yet i have no ability to. Maybe i do, maybe im jus not pushing my freedom to the limit. Sometimes i really want to say im visiting a friend in ICU and i have to get out of house right away.

Not because i want this to happen, but i sometimes think, what if i did not hold you back?What if we really broke up long ago? Would you be better off with another person who can be there for you every single time? It hurts for me to tink so, but to think you might be smiling more, crying less, mayb i should pretend to be the angel. im always the devil, torturing you.

2009-03-13T04:58:00.000-07:00

after so many years..so many chapters in our lives, i tink its time i come back to this.to a place where i can speak to myself..to arrange my thoughts..

reading all these posts from the past...we have really come from a very long way...so long that we have watched our friends end their relationships and started new ones..friends changed in many ways..new friends that have brightened up our lives..maybe even changes in our relationship..

once from the very beginning..i loved you passionately..maybe too much..maybe too juvenile..because iv never felt such love for someone before..and all i knew was to wana own all of you and share none of you with the world...such a sweet time..such memories deeply etched into my heart..even though you dint really love me..i felt contented..

then there was hurt..and many complications..which are still existing till today..my dear..you undergo so many years of pain with me..sometimes i look back and think..maybe i should have saved you from the torture and not went after you relentlessly after we decided we are not meant for one another..those months of pain..every since then..iv learnt not to cry so easily in front of the public..

when we were back together..when this blog became jus a silly hurtful memory of mine..i felt slightly hesistant..unsure whether more hurt will come for you..however..for some reason or wad..you grew to love me so much..so much that im flooded by your care and pampering..that my love was starting to become nothing as strong compared to yours..nonetheless..you stood by my side always..enduring my limitations..enduring my weaknesses..my inability to be romantic..so much so..you make me love you differently now. I love you. I love you for life. I love you to always be by your side. because you are a part of me.

so many big events past..big fights..arguments with my parents..the arrival of Davin..the completion of O levels..the release of results..(i still remember going with you). moving on to ngee ann and ACJC..my lack of free time due to council..heavy workloads of yours and mine..completion of A levels..travelling with you to dreamlands..release of results..you getting license..

all in all...you have ALWAYS been by my side..always been supporting me..caring for me.bringing breakfast for me.baking treats for me.keeping me company.planning fabulous outings for me. me?iv jus been the same old dear..same old Wei Ting who loves you deeply..but..dully..

i cant say much bout wad iv done for you..cus theres not even anything much worth mentioning..but all these years iv walked with you..its not that iv become bored of you..or bored of our love..or jus being used to you.

You've become part of me. a part that can never die off till the day i die..someone whom i cant live without..

If i'm the shining sun and you are the glowing moon, i would wish to make my life shorter to shine lesser..to be closer to you..to close the distances and differences from you..

Maybe we both have changed dear..but we both still love each other ever so deeply..so dun say that u are not important to me..

to whoever may discover this blog of mine...i am not the angel in this relationship. My dearly beloved Pamela is the one who is truly sweet.sweeter than anyone in the world.because she endures all sorts of rubbish from me..and yet..still love me so much.

who can be more lucky than me?someone whom i love..loves me back even more..

I'm lucky.because of you.

2006-04-04T04:32:00.000-07:00

again it passed and came..or wadever i should call it...
back to blog again...almost everyday of the week is busy...maybe except sundays...where last minute work come in...haha..this monday jus went to pulau bukom for a trip to shell oil refinery..cool place..with lots of huge and cool stuff...after looking around kinda feel sorry for the workers there...so crap a job...you cant see much people around...so lonely and boring...anyway...first time see before roof of a building in singapore kena torn down by wind..can singapore weather be so dangerous?scary...
come and goes thats my days...cant say i live them without a purpose...they jus seem more...dry and plain...
isit possible for someone to see a stranger but feel a sense that he have known her for his life before that sight?or isit jus part of story lines of ideal love relations?
it mus feel bad to be lost in yourself...and others are also affected too...
preventing yourself to love someone you love..
trying not to open shut doors...
there is really no more left ba...

2006-03-25T22:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes getting lazy to blog..haha...also nothing to say la...busy all the time anyway...now it has been like this all the time and i guess it will last throughout the year...weekdays all bout sch...weekends bout my tuition and doing hw before going back sch on monday...now with this stupid speech day...each week 3 days cca...but after this there will be no more le ba...thats something for me to look foward to...wonder if i can last through this year and score well for o levels..haha...target is l1r5 6 points...if that happens wonder if im on news...well...it all takes effort...
recently went to movies...like since so long ago got watch...nanny macphee and yours mine ours...quite nice shows...college sweethearts?wonder that kinda thing happens...that you can find back whom you love long ago and be together for your lifetime despite wad happened bfore...that takes alot...love is never perfect btween couples...it goes on only with the yearn to grow it...
confusion seems to set in on me too...wad should be the way of life now i really duno wad to say...but to me...living a materialistic and fake life is wrong...be true...let there be feelings...thats the gift of us being human...thats when love sets in.

2006-03-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

tiring day...one practical after another...hols lesson...fun during breaks...can hang out...the wholse ss lesson slacking till sian of slacking...listen to player throughout the whole lesson...still got time draw out piano keys to practise piano on paper...haha...went to mac...again!wah...spend alot on food these days...after that went back sch play bball...cannot tahan the sun so strong...play for 1 hour sweat like hell..good tanning...haha...followed by chem pract and bio pract...fool around cook onion..hahha...smells nice...
took some nice pics at mac ytd...look shuai to myself...hahaha...rarely zi lian...yy help me take pic not bad...on friendster...

hey ting...notice something bout youself?haha...i tink i can let go of dissapointments faster le...cus really cant be anyones fault sometimes...jus that who wan or need something in the moment...tml bball at my house here!mus be on form...haha

2006-03-08T02:22:00.000-08:00

why mus life go on this way?isit i do not have the will strong enough to let go?or isit jus punishment from above?aii ni ye mei ban fa...hen ni ye mei ba fa...bu hui dan dan zhi shi ni de peng you...dan you bu neng yuan li...bu neng tai jing...
masks to be worn everyday...whether isit a mus...it jus comes naturally everyday...emotional self surfaces only at times of loneliness or with someone you could trust your heart with...i kinda realise something...maybe arguements were pushed too far...i always thought love would be fine if both try hard enough...but it should be learning to give in well enough ba...some thing that can't be change jus dun worth destroying the love precious...at least to me...i dun believe in forcing youself to have happiness...if there are sorrows...ill let it wash over me and happines will come eventually..bie qu ying cang...bie qu qiang po...hao xiang gao su ni wo yao gei ni kuai le...dan bu wan quan you wo xuan ze...ni shi qu de kuai le...wo que bu zhi dao wei shem mo...
jian qiang hao ma?haha...ke neng shi wo ruan ruo...shi yi zhong xiang jian qiang de ruan ruo...yao bao hu ni...jiu shi yao ni yao wo...haha...crapping...
missing you...like the desert waiting for the rain..

2006-03-05T03:16:00.000-08:00

finally got a yes...tok some arguement some hard work...in the end can go to 2b1 bbq plus secret sl's bday party...quite fun...eat abit and cake and jump into the pool...got my pants wet...
had to return home by 11...jus in time la...on mrt me and des and lu sat down...caused the seats to be abit wet with our asses...we then change seat...alama...few people sit on the water...haha...like we very bad...
todays slack day...goto finish all my hw but end up slacking here and there...including now...jus can get the mood to study...like weekend is already the only time to rest...but still goto do work...i know mus do la...so ill do it!
always have dreams...hopes...wishes...dissapointments past me by...learning to accept them...
man man dong de kan kai...aii ni...xian zai jiu zhi neng zhuo zhem mo duo...xiang yao gen duo ye bu you de o xuan ze...zhi you ni neng...
miss time alone with u.

2006-03-03T05:19:00.000-08:00

every month on this day, there seem to be the things i wana look back to...to smile or not...i duno...
ytd go mac...maddog nic liang low bao ren lin and me saw chio bu...cannot concentrate do hw...haha...jk...maddog give the face when looking at chio bu...damn funny...stay till 5 plus...sent you home...for since some time ago...the familiar smell...the familiar surroundings...i return back to them for a moment...suppose thats the best i can get...haha...xiang zhao hui bao ni de gan shou...your ability to make me wana lose all for u...

slack day today...everyday recess play bball...am i very solo?paiseh ah...ill try to be more of a team player...today on form!haha...score quite some for the short time...bball...music...friends...its jus how my life can go...

2006-02-27T02:49:00.000-08:00

importance and perceptions...they become clearer and clearer to me after each time...and i try to learn from each as much as possible...whether its something i can't do with or without...its not a choice.

i can't hope or dream anymore now.

2006-02-24T22:40:00.000-08:00

Not great day ytd...jus like lu say...hao xing mei you hao bao...
play hockey during PE...kena whack by ball...not pain le la...but part of the suay day...this is jus the start...maths lesson pass my Tys to ying peng cus she need it...jus one bloody second...mr ho turn behind and saw me pass...look at me with that face...i know is sure scold me la...but i duno for wad...so i stare at him back blur blur...ask me get out...haha...i cant hear wat he shouted...so jus walk out to the back...admire the HDB flat for 1 hour see people walk around and tink y so suay...come home...then remember i dint bring back my pe shirt...felt damn damn piss le...so wenta sleep...
sleep always cure...haha...make me put aside boredom...have some rest...
so the week ends this way...again...well...i know i can't ask for anything...as long as you're happy...its the best things can go...this stagnant...unchangeable things...interlock themselves...one has to fight...and i shall...to free u...

2006-02-23T02:40:00.000-08:00

ni zhi dao wo zai deng ni ma?haha...like old man...but i really mean this...

seem so tiring...weekdays. A smile to start the morning, a quiet restrained soul in bed at night. i duno if you are the creator of my hopes or the destroyer. it all comes back to learning to take the pain and dissapointments.
as usual, wake up with a hope...which always ends unknown...haha...i dun intend to force the issue...jus let things flow. whenever i walk home, seems there is no crowd around me, music is the only thing to comfort me by my ears. will you turn back one day, needing or wanting? different perceptions of importance...are we drawing apart...i duno.
the digital world seems all.

fell too deep...

2006-02-17T05:18:00.000-08:00

looking behind my back, staring down at the escalator, holding up my hp unconsciously...
wana use this to keep my daily thoughts ba...no where else to keep...dun intent to publicise this.
if seen then its alright anyway...
today stupid...kind of suay...cut nails cut till bleed...dint pay attention...mind stray away again...
walk till pain cus stupid slippers...well.jus missing you doesn't help.heart flies off wanting to take one last look at you everyday.but jus seems difficult, or somehow.pointless to follow...

aches...someone free me pls..